because i have exactly ONE MONTH till my holiday (omg!!), i’ve decided to put myself back on a strict diet for the next 30 days.

ok, i’m leaving work and heading to the gym NOW.

is it just me or does having a public holiday on a tuesday make today feel like monday ALL OVER AGAIN?

anyway, if anyone is actually wondering what’s happening over here in *su world….here’s just a quick one. (because there hasn’t been much)

1. Work

you know when a ship is sinking and everyone starts dumping stuff into the ocean to slow down the process? well, i’m sorta at that stage right now. the boss sat me down and said “i don’t know how you feel but i’m so ready for you to just dump those data and seal off this chapter. i know it seems like wasted work and you can still…” i cut him off right there because he got me at “seal off this chapter”. i honestly don’t care what we do (or don’t do) as long as i can get this friggin’ phd done!

2. Leisure

i have been watching a lot of shows – glee, veronica mars, dexter. i thoroughly enjoyed my weekend doing nothing.

3. Health/Diet/Fitness

i feel fat. there, i said it. i’ve been resisting the awful f-word on this blog for a long time now but i feel fat. but i was rocking over the weekend and did a 14k run (prepping for santa run!). now if only that feeling could last a lil’ longer. i was totally not feeling it today in the gym.

the thyroid issue? i’m not sure if i’m feeling better – i can’t tell. but it is SO hard trying to find food with all those restrictions. i wish i had to stay off chocolate too – willpower’s not enough to keep me away from it.

4. Any other business

just out of habit, i wanted to call the sister yesterday to see what she was up to and whether she wanted to grab a bite. i felt really pathetic when i thought about how many people i have left to hang out with here. sigh.

which made me want to leave melbourne so badly.

and then i started charting out (mentally) where i wanted to be and what i wanted to do after i’m done with this dreadful degree (i should really try to use less negative words) and decided that i needed to start doing things (NOW) with the intention of leading me in that direction.

so i made a few phonecalls…. hmm.

i just sent the sister to the airport because she’s going back to singapore tonight. for good.

i remember how excited i was when the sister and the brotherinlaw moved to melbourne 2 years ago – it felt good to have family around after being away for so long! recently, a few healthcare professionals (doctors, chiropractor…etc) have asked me whether i have an adequate support network here in melbourne because of how run down i’ve been feeling and it was only then i realised that… perhaps they have all independently raised the same thing because it is quite an issue for me. (you know, i don’t think of myself as an unhappy person but….i got to take care here because the odds are against us, phd, students, when it comes to depression. for real.) don’t get me wrong, i may have a limited number of friends here but they’ve been nothing but GREAT in terms of support….unfortunately, though, it’s all going downhill from here now that the sister’s gone and she’s seen me through quite a bit in the past year.

it’s been a blast though – i wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. i can’t wait for our  regular brunch dates, shopping sprees and homecooked dinners to resume when i get my arse back in the sunny island (for good?). for now, i’ll just have to be strong and tough it out.

have a safe flight and i’ll see you in 39 days!

xoxo

p/s: since you’re going to be sleeping in it for now, please don’t grow too attached to my room!

pp/s: i miss you already!

…no more. if you don’t know, i love soy products – tofu, tempeh, soy milk, miso, taufoofar. haha. but seriously, soy products are a staple in my diet and if you think about it, you probably take a lot of it too if you’re asian (soy sauce!!).

but the problem is, i’ve been feeling notquiteright recently and it was suggested that i get tested for polycystic ovary syndrome and/or insulin resistance/prediabetes because of a family history. thankfully, my body’s glucose processing is doing very well (i have an awful doctor who told me “oh it’s fine now, but doesn’t mean you’ll still be all clear when you’re 50.” like, could you be a bit more encouraging?) but what they found was low active thyroid levels which really did explain a lot of the ’symptoms’ i was experiencing…like being constantly cold (i was wearing 4 layers of clothes throughout winter!), constantly tired, constantly aching, constantly hungry, weight gain/puffiness (!!!),  anxiety, dizziness, irregular menstrual cycle….amongst others.

it’s not that i’m a hypochondriac or that i want to be unwell, but sometimes, it’s good to know that there is something really wrong (it’s not all in my mind! i’m not going crazy!) and that there is something i can do about it and there is no need to be miserable for the rest of my life.  and i guess what i’ve also learnt is that sometimes you just know when your body is trying to tell you something’s wrong and don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise until you’ve tried to find out more! i mean, i know that some of the symptoms seem vague and seem like it’s just part of a normal (phd student) lifestyle (haha) and there’s a certain degree of “toughing it out” i’ve got to deal with but i also think that 1) i am quite tough and have quite a high threshold 2) it’s just not right to accept all these as a “norm” without first being informed.

anyway, back to tofu.

i’ve been told that soy products contain isoflavones which act as anti-thyroid agents. meh. and along with goitrogenic foods (foods that suppress the thyroid by interfering with iodine absorption) such as chinese leaves, broccoli, peanuts, pears, spinach, peaches, strawberries….. i guess i’ve got to say goodbyefornow and hello, sushi rolls. (seaweed = a lot of iodine!)

i do hope my supplements in all forms (dropper, powder, tablets haha) and my new diet will work some magic because being tired is very tiring!

ok so after a little bit of fiddling, the heart rate monitor is finally running properly (no pun intended). i had a little drama the first couple of times i took it out for a walk (it’s like a low maintenance pet). it was either slipping down my chest (i had to slam the stop button on the threadmill before it fell to the ground and cause some sort of embarrassment in the gym) or i was having trouble with the connection between the chest strap and the watch (i hope no one saw me trying to inconspicuously adjust the strap under my shirt. on hindsight, it probably looked pretty dodgy) .

i’m still trying to learn more about interval training and how to use heart rate to train effectively+safely.

lately, i’ve been obsessing reading, listening, searching and studying a lot about how the body works. the more i learn, the more convinced i am that we are a product of an infinite creator.

it’s just…all too complicated to be accidental.

i spent the last toomany minutes on the phone with the delivery company, trying out different combinations. PA0000304459? PA0000309959? DA000030….argh! i give up!

if you know me well enough, you would know that i hate running. in fact, i’ve never understood why they call them fun runs because to me… running is just NOT fun. i dislike running because i’m just not good at it… and i find it incredibly boring. (ok, i got to admit…. i wrote this a while ago and i’m actually beginning to enjoy running a lot more now)

but if there’s one thing i admire about runners… it would be their passion and how much they believe in it. runners tell me about the wind in their faces…about how it helps them destress. (but how come all i feel is pain?) AND i read all these blogs of people training hard for half-marathons and i’m like whuuutttt, i can’t even do 2km properly. so i’ve always told myself that i’d give it a try… sometime. just to say that at least i’ve given it a go, you know? in fact, it’s on my bucket (sort-of)list!

so here’s the challenge… i’m going to do a 10K run in november. and what could be worse than putting myself through a run? it is to do it in a……………..SANTA SUIT.

alright, i’ll just pause here for you to take that last bit in.

ready?

ok.

back to santa suit. i know it’s a craaazzzyy idea but i think it’s going to be so fun and it’s going to make an awesome picture. haha! i’m going to be doing it with a few others and because i’m such a lousy runner… i’ve been training!! well, kinda.

while there are lots of running groups out there for people to train together, i find running (and exercising in general) to be a very personal thing for me. sure, i go for group fitness classes…i do enjoy going to the gym with my friends but when i’m training, i’m in my own world. yes, i’m one of those who regards my workout time as a “me time”. it’s the time i get to zone out and tune everything out. i don’t really enjoy talking or thinking DURING my workout – anything before and after is great.

also, i refuse to run with other people because i feel like 1) i’ll bring them down (too slow! haha!) 2) i’m forced to run at an uncomfortable (read: too fast) speed in the beginning and then die halfway through due to bad pacing. well, why add on stress when it’s stressful enough already?!

anyway, the run is all in the name of fun (har har), fitness and CHARITY. our team (6 of us) is called too much cookies and milk and we’ll be running 2 rounds around albert park on 22 november 2009 (1 month away!!!) for the variety children’s charity which raises funds to help sick, disadvantaged and disabled children. to put things in perspectives, (unlike some of these kids) we are so blessed that we are healthy and well enough to be able to RUN! check out our fundraising website and we welcome support of any kind.

p/s: if i pull this off without dying, i’d like to try a half-marathon someday! and the walt disney run if i ever get the chance!

the friends got me a heart rate monitor (because i wanted one) and along with my iphone from the family, it’s a red red birthday. can’t wait to take this baby out for a run!

thanks!

we go to mornington all the time but we rarely go there for… no reason. (when i told the sister i was making a trip down to mornington today, she asked me “who’s visiting this time?” haha) there was a main street food, wine and performing arts festival today and i think it was a great idea that we decided to check it out because it was a lovely sunny day.

evidently also a perfect day to take pictures. haha.

i am happy and relaxed. ready for monday…..well, almost.